111 Days and Counting...

Well, that's kinda a funny... 111 days since this misadventure all started. On the bright side I think I'm on the mend -- at least that's what my family and therapist say. I still have my fair share of bad days and good days. My guess is 60/40, but I'm not sure for which side is in favour -- that depends on the day. Today is an okay day; the demons are sleeping. I made it to my therapist appointment, visited my folks, and made it to work Oh, and I haven't felt the need to curl up into a pathetic balling human. I suppose that checks all the boxes for a win today. I have to remember to celebrate all the small wins, so, I'm acknowledging and feeling gratitude for how my day turned out. There was one little blip: an awful dizzy spell that made me feel like I was drugged (more on that in a sec). I also have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so I'll be able to bring that up. Another small win?

The med' I'm taking is Wellbutrin (Bupropion). Overall, I think its doing its thing and the side effects are tolerable, yet a bit confusing. Common side effects, and my experience with them include:

• Constipation - Not really. But I typically eat well
• Dizziness - Yep... Especially after ingesting caffeine (Fuck! I miss coffee so much!!!)
• Drowsiness - Not so much.
• Nervousness - Oh, yeah... This would explain a few things
• Dry mouth - I drink a lot of water. I find that I've been drinking a bit more, which I'm sure is helping with any constipation 
• Changes in the way food tastes - TOTALLY!!! I've lost the taste of most foods. I can't stand sweet and I prefer bland foods... Which is way different to the way it used to be. Even my staple, pho, is less desirable nowadays
• Headache - Mmm... I don't really think so. I do have a constant pressure thing going on though
• Increased sweating - Come to think of it, yes...
• Tremor - I feel unstable a lot, I think I'm shaking, but when I hold my hand out, it's not really shaking any more than usual
• Nausea - I had at the beginning, but I'm also finishing a round of ulcer med's, so my stomach has been not really running for the past 111 days
• Vomiting - Luckily, nope.
• Anxiety - Well, shit! Definitely. I take Ativan for the really bad days, but I mostly use the Calm App and mindfulness meditation to calm the fuck down. It really does help and I'm getting pretty good at the meditation thing
• Restlessness - I equated this to the anxiety, but if its another thing, then yeah, I gots it...
• Insomnia - Luckily, no.
• Weight loss - Oh yeah! Very noticeable weight loss. All my family and friends have noticed. I've had to buy new pants that are two sizes smaller. A year ago I was in the 190's lbs, today I'm in the 160's lbs
• Joint aches - I'd say so, especially in the mornings
• Appetite loss - I'm pretty sure that's how the weight loss happened...
• Flushing - I don't even know what flushing is... Sounds gross.
• Gas - Umm... No more than usual.
• Urinating more than usual - Hmm... Refer to dry mouth
• Ringing in your ears - Nothing out of the ordinary
• Abdominal pain - I'd say once in a while...
• Weakness - Definitely. But I think I could make this another post... 

Of course, my personal goal is to wean off this medication as soon as I'm ready... The thing is, how will I know? How will my doctors know? That's pretty perplexing... 

Thanks for reading again. I'm still hopeful that I can keep this writing up. It certainly helps, even if nobody is reading it.